What Does it Mean to be a Good Man?

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing

– Edmund Burke

The idea of being a “good” man is a bit tricky. What does being a good man even entail? Does it mean doing the right thing? Does it mean being nice to people? Do you have to be strong to be a good man? This is a question I struggled with a lot as a teenager. It took me until I was in my 20s to start believing I was a good man.

First let’s go over some differing ideas of what being a good man means to others out there. One idea is from Jordan Peterson. He says a harmless man is not a good man. A good man is a very dangerous man who has that under voluntary control. I’ve seen this sentiment get misunderstood quite a lot. A harmless man doesn’t automatically mean goodness. A man who is a powerful force, one capable of causing great change is a “dangerous man”.

This sentiment is similar to a quote from Abraham Lincoln. “Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.” If a man is powerless, you don’t see his character. Jordan Peterson’s quote isn’t only about men who could inflict violence but choose not to. Although that is still a part of it. I have a friend who is a pacifist. Very anti-violence. Yet I would consider him a good man.

I believe what makes a good man boils down to three things.

• Strength of Character
• Reliability
• Humility

Strength of Character

For me to be a good man, I realized I had to be a man who strived for a positive change. Whether for my family, my community, or even beyond. But how does one start to do that? Start with yourself. Strength comes in many forms, not just physical strength. I was not physically strong as a kid. But I was taught to do the right thing, even when it was hard. I’ve said I few times I was bullied a lot. What gave me the strength to stand up to bullies was my desire to protect others. Seeing others weaker than me being hurt bothered me so much I’d fight back.

Strength of character doesn’t mean being physically strong, it means finding the strength to do the right thing, even when it’s difficult. Fighting the bully isn’t the only solution, it’s just what worked for me when I was young. Strength of character might mean finding someone who is better suited to stopping injustice. Another avenue might be simply calling out said injustice for the world to judge, even knowing you might be judged yourself.

Finding courage within yourself can feel daunting. Some may falter. But you have to try. Strength of character is more than just standing up for what’s right. It’s also picking yourself back up. Life will knock us down. You need to find the courage to press on. Someone who influenced me a lot was an animator named Monty Oum who sadly passed away February 1 2015. His motto was “Keep moving forward” Whether progress was a single step or 1,000 steps, any progress forward was a victory.

You don’t have to wake up tomorrow being a good man with a strong strength of character. Just make progress. Keep moving forward. Find your inner courage by overcoming your fears, even if it starts as small victories. Keep moving forward.

Reliability

Why is reliability needed to be a good man? A good man is a provider. It’s a male role as old as humanity itself. To be a good man, we shouldn’t be a burden on our loved ones. We want our family to be able to turn to us when they need us.

That doesn’t mean go to the extreme. I don’t know about you, but I’ve known many men who put themselves last. If you never take care of yourself, you won’t be able to be there when it counts. Don’t wear yourself out.

A good man puts others first, but doesn’t put himself last. Being the go-to guy for people feels great. But it can also feel exhausting. Men need a purpose in life. We want to feel useful. Knowing my family trusts me to handle things feels amazing.

So how do you be reliable? The first step is to be consistent. Your behavior should be predictable to your friends and family. One of my childhood friends had a dad who was unpredictable. We were afraid to ask him for anything because we didn’t know if he would help or shout at us.

Know your strengths. Can you fix things? Can you provide emotional support? Are you a good listener? My family knows that no matter how bad a day I had, they could come to me and ask for advice. I am consistent in that behavior.

Trust is the cornerstone to being reliable. Your family should trust you as much as they can. Being honest about what you do or do not know and being honest about what you can and can’t do speaks volumes. If I can’t help someone because I lack the knowledge, I let them know that.

Can you figure out the problem and learn on the job? Probably. YouTube is your friend. I’ve looked up how to fix things on a regular basis but I don’t lie and say I can do it. I will tell my family “I’m not sure, but if you trust me, I’m pretty confident I can figure it out.

The best part, I’ve been very consistent about my knowledge and skills. Now my family trusts I am able to deliver on my promises. Just try to find the balance between taking care of yourself and taking care of your loved ones.

Humility

What does it mean to show humility? I guess the obvious is not being arrogant or bragging. But it goes much deeper. Actions speak louder than words. That’s a common saying that matters in this context.

To be a good man, you want to be confident in your abilities. But you must also acknowledge your weaknesses. Overconfidence is truly a man’s downfall. We are not untouchable. We will fail sometimes. No matter how good we are at something, there is always more to learn.

A good man lifts up this around him. Acknowledge how others are good at things. Even admitting when they are better than you. A weak and insecure man tears others down so he can look better.

Being humble can be difficult for some. You shouldn’t go through life believing you’re better than others. Trust me, others will notice that attitude. Sometimes you’re more skilled than someone. Those are just facts. But that fact doesn’t need to be acknowledged or worse, thrown in someone’s face.

Receiving validation for your skills and abilities feels really good. But you shouldn’t seek it out. If you really are a good man, you don’t need to shout it to the world. Let your actions speak for you and others will notice.

The world needs good men. I believe you have the potential to be incredible. Believe in yourself and know your worth. What do you bring to the world? What can you become better at? Hold your head high and show the world who you are.